Dear Petr Sykora,
It would be much appreciated if you would sign here. Now, I know you've probably not gotten a call from David Poile but that doesn't mean we're not interested. We are very much interested. We're like Sam on Sixteen Candles, admiring from afar just knowing that you'd turn us down and don't really want to go through that rejection so we're keeping mum and are going to just smile and walk away every time you catch us staring at you. I can tell you from personal experiences that that is real love.
You've won your Stanley Cup and I really think it would bring up your karma points if you'd try to help us out a bit. We'd even put you in our top 6! You and Marty could teach Leggy cuss words in Czech and then you could all cut up on the ice calling the other teams czech-y douchebags or something like that. You could even play on a line with Marty and Leggy and make obscene gestures at PK when we play the Bluesers, don't even pretend like you wouldn't enjoy that. We're a hard working team that just needs one top six forward to make us work, a missing gear in a very complicated but awesome Rube Goldberg invention.
So please think about it. How often are you the one missing piece from something like that? Look at us, we're almost there. We're young, attractive and are total f**king badasses... who doesn't want to be apart of that? Okay, maybe that was a little conceded and we apologize but we typically claim the underdog/overachieving role and even so, you're kind of the same way. Come on, anyone who calls they're scoring the OT GWG in the Stanley Cup Finals and then does it can't judge us for thinking we're awesome. You gotta believe!
And what we believe is that you'd be a perfect fit here in Nashvegas. Sign on to your twitter and @Sully26 if you have any questions. I'm sure he can hook you up with Poile's blackberry number or email or facebook or twitter or hell, he may still be on myspace...he's old school like that. Point is, if you want to get with Sam, you've got to make the first move. You're going to have to let go of Caroline but that's okay because she's kind of a bitch. The Penguins dumped you and we totally don't mind being the rebound.
Take care and love always (as long as you sign here),
Desperate for Sykora
Tuesday's Dump & Chase: Go!
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